Saturday, March 15, 2008

I made God cry

First, backstory...

Earlier this week, I read a post on Skepchick. which in turn referenced this post over at Pandagon (if either of those two blogs is missing from your feed reader, you'd best correct that).

In a video at that post, the late Molly Ivins is discussing the battle over sex toy legislation and classification in Texas.

So, skip ahead to last night. L and I were out and about and decided that we absolutely MUST go and buy a chocolate satin pie from Marie Calender's. (Don't worry. We shared it with friends!)

There was some kind of commotion there, a bunch of grinning teenage kids. An old woman was behind us. I was telling L about the asinine sex toy laws in Texas. Normally, we might not talk about dildos, vibrators and whether or not they should be penis-shaped quite so loudly and so openly in line at a restaurant, but we just kind of shrugged it off. I am certain this old woman could here every word, but I just decided not to care.

At some point this woman was joined by her husband, a very tall man. I didn't get a look at his face, but remember thinking "wow, that guy is tall!" At this point, the excitement of the teenage kids was palpable, and it wasn't due to the sex toy talk! L and I continued our conversation. We ordered our pie and Emoboy, our cashier, went off to get it from the back.

"So, your dildo can look like a penis, but you have to call it an 'educational model.' Unless it vibrates, in which case it can't look like a penis..."

As our cashier boxes our pie, the old couple pays and walks to the door. As they leave, a woman runs up to them, repeatedly addressing the man as "President! Preseident!" (which I found particularly odd, she wasn't even using his name.)

Emokid asks the gaggle of nearly orgasmic teenagers if they got a picture. "A picture of what?" we ask.

"Oh, I guess that was the prophet, or whatever, the president of the LDS church."

So, it turns out these Mormon teenagers were FREAKING OUT because super rockstar, prophet, seer and revelator Thomas S. Monson, the one, the only President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was standing behind us in line at Marie Calender's, listening to us talk about dildos and vibrators.

I can now die a happy man.

As we walked to the car, we was opening the car door for his wife and we got a good look at his face. I wouldn't have recognized him, but L confirmed it! And let me tell you, than man can give one hell of an icy stare across a parking lot.


Chocolate-Loving Atheist said...

You need to send this story to skepchick

Amanda said...

Hi, this is Amanda from Skepchick. Found you through linkbacks and I am definitely going to have to share this story.

A Canuck said...

You didn't make God cry, you made one of the leaders of a church founded by a polygamist pedophile uncomfortable, purely due to his puritan ideas about sex.

Good job.

Juditude said...

Just think how fun a story this will be for your children one day! It's called, "welcome to the real world, Mr. President." And I am SO glad you can die a happy man! You have arrived, Patrick!

GreenishBlue said...

@ a canuck:

Well, when you put it that way...

Saganist said...

This is such an excellent story. I can't believe I'd never heard it before! Well done.