Saturday, May 16, 2009

Fox News: Star Trek may literally be a gift from God

Taking a short break from dandelion murder, and what do I find? io9 has a link to a story at Fox News asking if the new Star Trek film is a gift from God.

This article would be HILARIOUS, had it been in the Onion... But it's meant with 110% earnestness:
The signs are everywhere, folks. And I believe that “Star Trek,” and similar shows, are some of these signs.
Signs of what, you ask? Oh, of the coming nuclear holocaust between Iran and Israel.

I still laugh at Fox News' "fair and balanced" slogan, which appears at the top of this story, which proceeds to assert that the Bible is literally true, that all creative enterprises come directly from Yahweh, and that we need to assist Israel in developing a photon torpedo program. And I swear to god, that last item is meant literally. No tongue, no cheek:
Would Israel be safer if it could shoot down enemy missiles and rockets with such photon torpedoes, or block them altogether with a force field? Of course it would.
Now, like everyone and their dog, I loved the new Star Trek movie. My inner nerd is experiencing a renaissance, and I've even let him off his leash a little bit to get out and get some fresh air... but seriously?

It's truly a surreal article. It starts out with it's question (Is Star Trek a gift from God?), and immediately answers it (Yes it is). Then it goes off on a bizarre rant about how we need to build a mile-high fence around Israel to keep out all of the brown people (a sentiment, it should be noted, that is pretty much antithetical to Trek's vision) and invest $100 billion into missile defense because ZOMG IRAN MAY GET TEH NUKES IN A COUPLE DECADES!

I'm pretty confident that pacificistic lefty Gene Roddenberry has been rolling over in his grave at about 165 RPM since the moment this sentence was committed to a computer screen:
What we need today are leaders who have the vision to see a film such as “Star Trek,” and say, “Why not? Why not have such weapons and protections, as soon as possible? Let’s do what it takes to make it so.”
(Actually, I think Roddenberry's ashes were shot into space, so I'm not sure he's capable of rolling over like that... I digress.)

To be honest, it seems to me that this article was likely written before all of the Star Trek hullabaloo, and merely recommended that we, you know, follow God's commands and built a freaking 1-mile high wall around Israel. Then, later, the author (or an editor) decided that more people would read it if it had Star Trek in it... So in went a couple references to phasers and tricorders, and BAM! Instant success, as evidenced by the fact that I'm writing about it now.

But STILL. Sheesh.


FilthyGrandeur said...

what the fuck. i seriously can't even utter words...i mean, talk about a stretch...

i hate fox news anyway. every time i see a mention of that "news" channel, i picture the episode of The Boondocks (Return of the King) where Martin Luther King Jr. didn't really die, and is instead in a coma, then wakes up in present-day america, and goes on Fox News. after being badgered by the host or whatever, the dude gives that "fair and balanced" crap, and Huey throws a chair at him, and punches, i need to find a clip of that.

Anonymous said...

Sweet merciful crap.

It just goes to show how nearly impossible is to reach these people when "lets forget our differences and ban together to make the galaxy a better place" is reduced to "pew pew pew! death to the brownies!"